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Archive for the ‘Zombies’ Category

Get your Zombie meat! http://pinktentacle.com/2010/05/zombie-meat/

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I realize this may sound a little self serving to blog about, but I did want to point out that May is Zombie Awareness Month.  Take a little time out this month to show the Zombies in your life that you care.

“Supporters of Zombie Awareness Month wear a gray ribbon to signify the undead shadows that lurk behind our modern light of day.  From May 1 through May 31, Zombie Research Society Members and friends take this small step to acknowledge the coming danger.”

Check out the whole thing here.

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Tribute To A True DC Zombie

Rep. Hank Johnson, I salute you. You are the Zombie of zombies. It is to your Zombie greatness which simple zombies like myself aspire to.

All you non-zombies and zombie wannabes should watch this simple 2.5 minute video clip.  You might learn something useful.  I know I did.

UPDATE: For even more congressional zombie hilarity, check out the Honorable Rep. Hank Johnson’s campaign web site here.  Crank up the volume because his campaign song is nothing short of sheer awesome! I’m pretty sure this is not an April Fools joke.

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If Obamacare passes and becomes the law of the land we will see tremendous changes in every aspect of health care in this nation.  Contrary to what Obamacare supporters claim, the cost of health care will rise, quality will fall, access will diminish, and government beancounters (or Death Panels, whichever you prefer) will necessarily ration care as diminishing taxable incomes prevent federal revenues from keeping pace with spending.  Every one of these things will happen – you wait and see.

The thing of it is – while the government destroys our healthcare system, they will also be setting the perfect conditions for a thriving healthcare black market. Doctors who can’t afford to practice under Obamacare (that’s going to be a lot of them) will set up off-book practices to treat people.  These black market healthcare providers will thrive as people who don’t want to wait for procedures, or whose procedures are not covered by the “public option”, and who can afford to pay cash for care, run like hell to the free market.

There will be a lot of money to be made in this free market and I intend to take in a slice of the pie.  I’m not going to tell you how I’m going to do it because I don’t want to encourage competition.  There will be plenty of that already.  If you want to get in on the action you’ll have to figure it out for yourself.  Don’t worry though, as is usually the case with the free market, those who can think for themselves and don’t mind working hard will do alright.

Zombie healthcare, here we come!

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Why DC Zombie?

Where did this blog get its name? What is a DC Zombie anyway? I’m glad you asked.

One day last summer I was commuting in and had a little bit of an epiphany. Not a big life changing epiphany mind you, just a regular, every day, blog-naming sort of epiphany. But before I get to that part, let me set the stage.

As a Capitol Hill staffer living in the beltway suburbs on the Virginia side of the Potomac I commute in and out of the city right in the middle of the mad rush with hundreds of thousands of people. In general the Beltway commute as a daily routine is both mind numbing and slightly harrowing. There are three main ways of getting in to DC with several sub-variations and countless combinations. But to keep it simple, you can either take the bus, take the metro (train), or drive. All three options are fraught with peril but once you get used to it, everything becomes routine. That’s where the mind numbing part comes in. (I’ll do separate blogs later on about the perils, I suppose.)

Each method of commuting has its own traditions and unspoken social mores that each commuter is supposed to know and understand. People new to the game don’t get cut much slack for not knowing the rules and are expected to learn quickly. If you’re a tourist, forget about it. You don’t know the rules, you won’t be in town long enough to learn them, and you probably don’t give a rip anyway. You’re safe to assume that everyone else on the train/bus/road hates you. I don’t hate you, but everyone else does.  It’s sick but that’s how it is.

Anyway, some of the rules are just simple common sense things. When the train pulls up dont’ stand in front of the doors to rush on as soon as they open, stand to the side and wait for passengers to disembark first. When you’re getting off the train, be quick about it. When you’re getting on the train be quick about it and don’t stop right inside the doors, fill in so as many people as possible can get on. Common sense. Some rules are DC specific though. When using escalators, stand to the right so that people can walk to the left. (Most DC Zombies are in a hurry  to burn their eyes out in front of a dimly lit LED screen and they want to rush up or down the escalators so they can get to it faster.)

Another DC specific rule is that you don’t socially interact during the commute. You don’t make eye contact with people. You don’t talk to people – especially strangers. You don’t acknowledge the person you sit next to unless you are sitting on the inside and need to ask the other person to move so you can get out because your stop is coming up. You don’t let your kids make a peep or show any sign of having joy in life. You absolutely don’t talk on your cell phone, but you may play games, text, check emails, or stare blankly at the screen in a vain attempt to appear occupied. You may read, do crossword puzzles, play Sudoku, and listen to music on your music playing device of choice. These are about the only things permissable. The music is almost a sacred requirement. If you don’t have ear buds in and wires dangling out, you will be glanced at with suspicion. By the way, most of the hatred of tourists stems from their not knowing – and routinely violating – almost every one of these DO NOTS….at the same time….while doing almost none of the things which are permissable. This is a grave offense of near nuclear proportions to most DC Zombies.

So last summer I was commuting in from Virginia. My apartment complex ran a shuttle bus to the Pentagon City metro station where I would catch the Yellow Line into the city. Usually I would not wait more than two or three minutes for a train, but on this particular day something was amiss with the train schedule. As the minutes slowly passed the platform on both sides of the track began to fill up. Before long there were 2-3 train loads of people waiting for the next train. About that time it suddenly hit me that in that enormous space filled with hundreds of people there was no noise to be heard. It was dead silent.

As that thought rumbled around my as yet not fully awake thinker, I started actually looking at people. Almost every single one of them professionally dressed, perfectly silent, and totally self-absorbed with eyes glazed over and a classic 10,000 mile stare. I was surrounded by Zombies….well dressed non-flesh-eating Zombies….but Zombies nonetheless. Moreover, it occurred to me that I was not some anthropologist making a discovery about a far distant non-westernized tribe, I was making an observation about my own tribe.  My gosh, I AM A ZOMBIE. The thought hit me hard and it stuck with me.

I had been kicking around the idea of starting a blog for a while but just didn’t want to commit the time necessary to actually maintain it. I decided right there on the platform that if I ever did start a blog I would call it DC Zombie and I would write about life as part of the great Beltway Zombie Hoard. So there you have it. That’s how my blog got its name. I will write about a lot of miscellany, but I’ll always keep a healthy dose of original Zombie related posts in the mix. As always, if you don’t like it don’t bother to tell me. I don’t care. You know why? Because that’s the way of the Zombie. Live with it.

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Good News for Zombies

A Court in Minnesota has ruled that Zombies do indeed have free speech rights. That’s nothing but good news for this blog!

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